ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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