if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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