you guys were way drunker than both of me
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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