She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
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Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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