absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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