I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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