I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize