you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am naked and annoyed.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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