Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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