Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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