I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize