i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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