R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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