you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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