The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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