oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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