Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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