So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize