entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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