when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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