I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize