You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
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My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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