oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize