My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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