I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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