I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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