If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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