I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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