So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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