Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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