you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize