haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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