you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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