I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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