i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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