I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize