Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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