In the future we'll all be gay
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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