How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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