I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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