dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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