I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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