I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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