I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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