After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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