So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
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I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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