Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
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He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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