he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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