she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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