hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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